Drum Solo Enjoyed by Drummer
PHILADELPHIA — An impromptu drum solo performed by Dana “Quick Sticks” Ansen was “thoroughly enjoyed” by her, and her only,…
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James Knapp — Page 26
320 stories found
Quiz: You Ever Get So Drunk That You Forget You’re at CVS and Also on Acid
Oh man, I shouldn’t have done that last Jaegerbomb. Or the seven before that one. Or those eleven Heinekens afterward.…
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Teen Hearing First Metal Record Spontaneously Grows Thin, Weird Mustache
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s…
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Gross! Some Asshole Pooped in This Punk House’s Designated Pee Corner
That is just disgusting! Who would be so thoughtless as to squirt down a thick, sludgy poop in the corner…
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Opinion: Look, I’m as Shocked as You Are That Jo Jorgensen Didn’t Pull This One Off
The election result has been just as big of a surprise to me as it has to everyone else I’m…
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Well-Regulated Militia Misses Election After Getting Lost in Corn Maze for Three Days
SEWARD, Neb. — A far-right militia completely failed in their mission to remain vigilant on election day after the entire…
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Fistfight in IHOP Parking Lot Closest Thing Metal Band Has Had to Practice in Months
WEST LAWN, Penn. — A violent altercation in an IHOP parking lot yesterday between members of doom-metal band Savage Agnes…
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Opinion: “Halloween” is a Christmas Movie
As I am a very clever and unique person, my favorite Christmas movie is, of course, totally non-traditional. But I’m…
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Alkaline Trio Begins Working on New Spooky Pun to Title Next Album
CHICAGO — Veteran emo-punk band Alkaline Trio has returned to the studio to brainstorm vaguely gothic puns to title their…
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Man Who Claims to Be “Vegan Except for Pussy” is 100% Vegan
RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a…
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