Weird Al Songs Ranked by How Likely They’ll Become Trump’s Campaign Anthem
The Trump campaign has been in a downward spiral ever since the media caught wind of the fact that he…
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Dan Rice
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Every Character From “Labyrinth” Ranked by Their Appearances in Our Bizarre, Confusing Sex Dreams
From early Greek mythology to the writing of Carl Jung, the Labyrinth has long been used as a metaphor for…
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Officials Confirm Olympic Games “May Never Recover” From Rob Schneider Boycott
PARIS — International Olympics Committee spokesperson Mark Adams confirmed that the 3000-year-old world amateur sporting contest was “Unlikely to continue”…
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Opinion: That Guy Who Follows the Same Pornstars as Me on Instagram Is a Real Creep
I had an extremely toxic relationship with social media for years, but I’ve finally whittled it down to just one…
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Ranked: Every David Lynch Movie We Would Rather Live In Than Deal with This Election
Unless you’re a very particular type of person, the films of David Lynch are not what come to mind when…
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Wanna Feel Old: Gargoyles Came Out 30 Years Ago, and You’re a Loser
Are you ready to be devastated by the ravages of time? I mean just completely gutted, like looking at the…
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Democrats in Crisis After President Biden Uses Bathroom With Hot Mic and Confesses to Robert Durst Murders
WASHINGTON — Top Democratic decision-makers are reportedly doing damage control after President Biden confessed to multiple murders on a hot…
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Every Muppet Ranked by How Well They Could Replace Biden
Since the 1970s, Jim Henson’s Muppets have achieved the near impossible—consistently providing four-quadrant entertainment the whole family can truly enjoy.…
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Wanna Give the Supreme Court a Piece of Your Mind? Here’s How To Get a Job at One of the Most Luxurious Resorts in the World
It’s getting more and more difficult to speak truth to power these days, especially when it comes to the judiciary…
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The Top 10 Cannabis Strains to Give You a Panic Attack While Watching “The Bear”
The cannabis industry has seen massive expansion over the last few years, and with recreational use now legal in 24…
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