Whatever happened to liberty? What happened to freedom? What happened to the pursuit of happiness in this country, i.e. money off the backs of the less fortunate?
Recently, those pinko commies over at the EPA banned the last form of asbestos widely used in the United States. You’re probably thinking “Wait, they’re just banning it NOW, when so many landlords still rely on asbestos to insulate the homes their tenant families live in?!” Well believe it or not, yes.
First, they came for our lead paint, and I said nothing because those policies went virtually unenforced. Then, they came for our lead piping, and again, I said nothing, because they didn’t really do it. Now they’re coming for the asbestos in all of the buildings I own? And they’re like, for real going to do it?! Bread lines and concentration camps are right around the corner.
Are we just supposed to ignore all the good asbestos has done for us? I’m not just thinking about myself here, I’m thinking about my poor occupants! Take the single-family Clark Street property I am illegally renting as three separate apartments. Without the asbestos insulating those drop ceiling tiles, they would probably freeze to death come winter! The whole building is heated by a single unit on the first floor and the electricity can’t handle space heaters, so they are going to have to rely on beautiful asbestos, or else the city might catch on to my scheme.
What about my elderly tenants? I’m supposed to tell them they need to find somewhere else to stay for a few weeks while jack-booted government thugs come and remove their insulation? Half of them are already dealing with mesothelioma, I don’t want to pile on!
We need to take a stand against this absurd governmental interference of private property. Removing asbestos from the properties I own would not only be impractically expensive, but it’s a slippery slope toward my tenants becoming strong and healthy enough to stage an uprising. Speaking of which, have they banned TikTok yet? I don’t like how that app gives the poors a platform.