March 31, 2020
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix CEO Reed Hastings ordered two more weeks of nationwide quarantine to give subscribers a chance…
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March 31, 2020
Your 20s are hands down the most difficult decade of your life. I would know as someone who just turned…
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March 21, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Layne Medema spoke with a representative from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention hotline…
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March 14, 2020
DENVER — Local police apprehended miscreant Max Yelban last night for mischievously shouting “Arcade Fire” in a crowded theater and…
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March 5, 2020
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local punk Gary Trentson is recycling his New Year’s resolution for Lent this year after failing miserably…
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February 29, 2020
WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a public statement today, imploring Bernie Sanders supporters, pejoratively referred to as “Bernie…
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February 25, 2020
Mark my words. If Donald Trump loses the 2020 presidential election I am moving to the only other place that…
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February 21, 2020
Abs: Everyone wants them. No one’s got them. Except yours truly. In today’s world, there just aren’t many people willing…
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February 11, 2020
CINCINNATI — Local singer Troy Nickelson of shoegaze band Neon Leggings sat back and watched yesterday as his bandmates moved…
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February 10, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Inclusive frat guy Dylan Sargosta bravely drew both vaginas and penises on passed out freshmen during Friday…
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