Four Out of Five Beers Agree: I Should Send This Text to My Ex August 10, 2020 Whenever I have important life decisions like this "u up" text I have ready to fire off to my ex,… Read More →
Committed Frank Turner Gains 40 Pounds to Cover Fat Mike’s Songs for New Split Album July 30, 2020 HAMPSHIRE, England — Popular singer-songwriter Frank Turner gained 40 extra pounds over the last month to properly play and cover… Read More →
How I Got Promoted From Regular Police to Secret Police After Several Misconduct Allegations and Administrative Leaves July 23, 2020 Few people know this but it's incredibly easy to become a cop. Hell, it's easier than becoming a middle school… Read More →
Democrats Increasingly Anxious About Broaching Subject of Asking Amazon to Pay a Tax or Two July 13, 2020 SEATTLE — A visibly nervous group of Democratic leaders held a closed door meeting today to discuss possible ways to… Read More →
Don’t Let This Face Tattoo Fool You, I’m Actually Terrified of Commitment July 10, 2020 When people look me, they see my earnest expression, my passionate eyes, and just above, below, and in between the… Read More →
Show-Deprived Scene Lines Up Around the Block to See Recently Reopened Restaurant Mariachi Band July 6, 2020 SAN ANTONIO — Local restaurant Tantos Tacos reopened last week to patrons lined up around the block desperately anticipating the… Read More →
Opening Band Plays to Crowd of Their Own Cars at Drive-In Show July 2, 2020 BOSTON — Longtime opening band English Degrees played to a crowd of their own vehicles at a local drive-in show… Read More →
How to Tell If You Like Sonic Youth or Just Like Telling People You Like Sonic Youth July 1, 2020 Sonic Youth sure did influence some great bands that we all know and love. However, knowing whether you genuinely enjoy… Read More →
Remembering All the Babies That Drowned to Make the “Nevermind” Album Cover June 30, 2020 We all remember Nirvana’s iconic album Nevermind, but often fail to pay tribute to all the babies that drowned to… Read More →
One-Hit Wonder Strongly Considering Writing Second Hit June 29, 2020 MINNEAPOLIS — Pop-punk band Suburban Angst called an emergency band meeting on Friday to discuss a potential plan to write… Read More →