Jonah Nink
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Having an appreciation for Metallica's later work is like robbing a convenience store; most people look down on it, but…
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Patrick Coyne
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NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny,…
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Shea Strauss
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I used to be a God-fearing man. A real fire-and-brimstone buff. But my faith in God aged just as poorly…
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John Danek
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DETROIT — Local bar/glam rock band Stiletto Devils, who cite fellow Detroiters Kiss as their sole influence, “suck ass” at…
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Patrick Coyne
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NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his…
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Mark Bouchard
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These liberals get upset over every little thing, even sucking dick. Everyone knows that sex shouldn't be a safe space.…
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KC Phillips
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JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular…
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Owen Crowlie
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SAN JOSE, Calif. — Members of the Fallout: New Vegas speedrunning community are locked in a contentious debate over the…
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Zach Raffio
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Wow! You’ve just received an edible arrangement from your Aunt Elizabeth, congratulating you on the birth of your first child.…
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MAMANUCA ISLANDS, Fiji. — Crew members currently filming the latest season of “Survivor” were shocked to discover that a scab…
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