OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. — The lineup poster for this summer’s Megapalooza included a tiny disclaimer below rows of band names warning attendees that the festival…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Newly vaccinated woman Denise Adame took advantage of her inoculated status late yesterday afternoon to step outside and take in the fresh,…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A local scene’s highly anticipated return of DIY shows was once again delayed by multiple hours due to the same bullshit…
SAN FRANCISCO — Christine Walker’s longest-running relationship is with a travel guide to Kyoto that’s been open as a browser tab on her laptop for…
NEW YORK — Local venue Splatz Diner got a head start on lifting the mask mandate by declaring masks unnecessary since March 27, 2020, sources…
CHICAGO — Local diner Bill Frakes reportedly walked into a recently reopened Golden Corral restaurant and whispered “beast mode” while staring at the rows of…
BEND, Ore. — Local second grader Kevin Wood spent a day home sick from school and inadvertently imprinted on game show host Drew Carey as…
ASHEVILLE, S.C. — A frontline food service worker was stripped of her hero and esteemed “essential” status after forgetting to bring a side of mayonnaise…
MILWAUKEE — An emerging COVID variant is reportedly optimistic about municipalities dropping their mask mandates across the county and excited to get out of the…
DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
CHERRY HILL, N.J. — Local woman Stacy Tran was reportedly shocked by a recent revelation that she shares a more intimate bond with her shower…
LOS ANGELES — Recently vaccinated man Albert Kalomatsos posted his out-of-focus vaccine selfie weeks too late for it to even have a symbolic meaning, way…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…