ATHENS, Ga. — Local uncle and self-described “Make America Great Again Patriot” Jerry Siedow taped a handwritten setlist of prepared, unpopular opinions and comments next…
These delicious side dishes are designed to not only pair perfectly with your Thanksgiving turkey but to subtly remind your mother that you know what…
Ever since my uncle lost 87% of his skin I’ve been a strong advocate of turkey fryer safety. When I became a contributor for The…
EVANSTON, Ill. — Punk mother Danica Friedman announced she would be distributing a compilation of previously unreleased, rarely tasted Thanksgiving sides this year, family sources…
THE SUBURBS — Your mother left you a stern voicemail this morning, reminding you that if you want to participate in this week’s holiday festivities,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump pardoned a 5-year old Bourbon Red turkey named Mikey this morning, sparking outrage amongst law enforcement officials who insist the turkey…
HANSON, Mass. — Local punk Brandon Gardner will continue his annual Thanksgiving tradition of hiding from his family in his aunt’s garage, Gardner himself confirmed…
ST. LOUIS — Five-year-old punk kindergartner Trisha Saunders drew attention this morning during an arts and crafts session for drawing a hand turkey with one…
WASHINGTON — A new wave of allegations was brought against President Trump today, now under investigation for pardoning a turkey with direct ties to Russian…
OK — that’s it. I’ve waited over two weeks, and still nothing? This is getting fucking ridiculous. When is President-Elect Donald Trump going to try…
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local frontman Mike Croft delayed his families Thanksgiving dinner with a 20-minute shoutout to “everyone and everything he’s thankful for,” irritated guests confirmed.…
CRANBROOK, Ohio – Local parents Molly and Chip Hartsock have been preparing for what is bound to be another awful Thanksgiving, as their vegan punk son returns…