DETROIT – Shock Rock pioneer Alice Cooper recently issued an apology for a lyric within the chorus of his 1972 single “School’s Out”’ which suggested…
Now that the smoke from the fireworks have subsided and you’ve endured several wildly misappropriated needle drops of ‘Born In The U.S.A,’ you may be…
The longest day of the year is upon us, and with it comes thousands of years of humanity observing it in their own unique way.…
Ah, summer. Many people may deem October as the spooky month but there’s something mystically carnal about the warm season. Something that makes you want…
LOS ANGELES — Representatives from Neutrogena announced they finally perfected a formula strong enough to be certified as “Goth-Strength” by the FDA just in time…
“Always be prepared” is the motto of the Boy Scouts, I think. While recently camping I deluded myself that I was prepared for anything. Ready…
As summer begins in earnest, many people are wondering how they can beat the heat; and also how to let more bugs into the house.…
GEORGE, Wash. — Dave Matthews Band is raising alarm among epidemiologists and everyone who isn’t in a fraternity or sorority as they continue to play…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
PALMDALE, CA — Customers and baristas of The Catalyst Coffee Shop were shaken to their core Sunday afternoon when sick fuck Andrew Murphy ordered an…
SEATTLE — A six-year-old purple otter pop was granted a new life purpose as a DIY ice pack after a record heat wave hitting the…
MIAMI — First time nude beach goer Simon Lowell made fellow nudists uncomfortable with his obvious anxiety surrounding what to do with his hands and…
SEATTLE — Local homebody Jenny Wellmeyer experienced generalized anxiety due to the overwhelming pressure to go do something outside while the weather was absolutely gorgeous,…
CINCINNATI — Your Mom is wondering if you’ll be home for her annual 4th of July barbecue, or if you’ll be too busy with this…
SEATTLE — Neighborhood watch app Nextdoor crashed early this afternoon after users self-snitched on their own Fourth of July barbeque celebrations out of habit, according…