SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while enjoying a few kosher beef…
CHICAGO — Cadets of the Chicago Police Academy were reminded of the exhausting six weeks of training they endured in order to become full-fledged police…
HAVERHILL, Mass. — A punk-themed ice cream truck impressed potential patrons yesterday with a raw, energetic version of “Turkey in the Straw” that lasted roughly…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Local idiot Eli Burkhardt made a fool of himself today by accidentally cutting off his jeans vertically, leaving the back of his…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — A man wearing a faded, several-years-old novelty Labatt Blue hockey jersey at an all-ages show last week marked the unofficial end…
PHILADELPHIA — Several local punks noticed an increased movements of pins, buttons, and other accessories from jackets and coats to backpacks and messenger bags with…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Local teenage lifeguard Jeremy Keenum openly wished yesterday that someone at the recreational pool he covers would somehow forget how to swim…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
NEW YORK — The New York City Department of Parks and Recreation released today its highly anticipated annual summer guide, which now includes the best…
AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while cutting her pair of black…
Summer’s here and it’s on full blast, whew! Temperatures are rising, days are longer, and the unmistakable stench of rotting carcass is starting to creep…
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. — Former crust punk Howie Benson searched in vain earlier today for a way to hide his old, shitty tattoos before a mandatory…
BROOKLYN — Post-punk band T.F.U. has listed the empty space in front of the stage for rent on Craigslist as a summer sublet, following several…
MIDDLETOWN, Conn. – Local high-school punk band CRAPitalism returned to Middletown High earlier this week touting a “massive Canadian fanbase,” garnered while attending Camp Yakonkwe…
ROXBURY, Conn. – Your best friend Mark, who could barely ollie before summer break, just mastered a trick you’ve been struggling to learn the whole…