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Wish It Was Cooler in Your House but Also That It Had More Bugs? Open a Window

As summer begins in earnest, many people are wondering how they can beat the heat; and also how to let more bugs into the house.

Temperatures are going up faster than the spiderwebs that already cover your windows, and a slight breeze from outside can be enough to fool oneself into thinking it makes any fucking difference. That’s why we recommend you open your window. Don’t worry about those webs either, the actual spiders are already inside.

Your friends with air conditioning already ditched your sweaty ass for the summer, but that’s okay. They never loved you anyway. Now you can not only cool off, but you can also hang out with flies, fire ants, hairy caterpillars, dragonflies, fruit flies, crickets, black widows, mosquitoes, gnats, horse flies, sand flies, wasps, flying cockroaches, bed bugs, ticks, termites, moths, beetles, and those gross little pincher ones. They are your friends now. And if you think your screen will keep them out, think again.

I hope you’re ready for a summer of seeing tiny masses skittering out of the corner of your eye, mistaking arm hair for spider legs, and wondering how many insects in your home are pregnant with more little antennas and thoraxes that will soon live hidden in your walls. You’ll be so preoccupied with all the bugs crawling over you and your stuff that you’ll simply forget to be hot!

And if you’re looking for something to do with your window open, why not reorganize that paperwork that the wind blew all over the place? The roaches are already under everything you own, so why not put them to work? Maybe it’s a good time to watch that silent movie you’ve been wanting to see because you won’t hear any dialogue over that loud-ass street noise. Plus the bugs will also get a kick out of it since a TV is basically a big square light bulb.

The best part is not only can you get rid of your air conditioner, but you can also toss out the vacuum too. The bugs will just naturally eat any crumbs off the floor for you. Roommates that clean? You can’t beat that!