Now that the smoke from the fireworks have subsided and you’ve endured several wildly misappropriated needle drops of ‘Born In The U.S.A,’ you may be wondering what to do with your spare time. You’ve been thinking of taking up reading like a total fucking square, but years of television and doom-scrolling have robbed you of the attention span required to immerse yourself in the written word.
Never fear. There’s a new fad sweeping the nation of illiterate mouth-breathers like yourself. It’s called ‘music,’ and it can be enjoyed by anyone, even the incredibly stupid. We understand that this may be overwhelming, so we’ve taken the time to outline some of our favorite pieces of this new form of media to make your entryway seamless and stress-free.
The Voidz “American Way”
Recently, Julian Casablancas’ experimental outfit ‘The Voidz’ released a metal-infused romp of a single entitled ‘Prophecy of the Dragon.’ Its limited CD release featured the exclusive B-Side, ‘American Way.’ Presumably, Julian and company realized that almost no one has a CD player anymore and uploaded the track to their YouTube channel in celebration of Independence Day (the holiday, not the movie). ‘American Way’ is a somber reflection of our nation’s history that serves as the near antithesis to the A-Side’s fiery metal-psych riffage. With its scathing lines about progress being ‘built on someone else’s tears’ it’s the perfect track to mitigate the guilt you feel about having fun at your family’s 4th of July barbeque.
The Darkness “Black Shuck (Demo)”
Long before Greta Van Fleet came along to absolutely ruin Classic Rock for everyone, The Darkness were making a noble and absolutely fun attempt to revive it. Their debut album ‘Permission to Land’ just celebrated its twentieth anniversary. To commemorate the event, the English quartet has announced a massive box set featuring unreleased b-sides, demos, and live recordings from the era. Cheekily called ‘Permission to Land… Again,’ this set is sure to be a treasure trove for completionist collectors of borderline satirical music from the early aughts. The newly released demo recording of album opener ‘Black Shuck’ showcases a band a little rough around the edges, but one that is still better than any bar band your uncle has ever been in.
Sincere Engineer “California King”
Chicago’s own Sincere Engineer have recently been teasing their third full-length ‘Cheap Grills,’ which is due in late September. For those of us who can’t wait that long for our Midwestern Emo injection, the band has been steadily releasing singles from the upcoming album. Their latest, ‘California King,’ carries the torch from elder statesmen like Motion City Soundtrack, while also invoking Americana and Folk inspirations in the vein of Waxahatchee. This culmination of sounds makes the song feel like a tour through the past two decades of indie rock history. The band pulls off this heist without sacrificing fresh ground thanks in large part to Deanna Belos’ unique vocal stylings and melodies. It goes without saying that this track is required listening for anyone attempting to feel something this week.
Depeche Mode “Wagging Tongue – Wet Leg Remix”
Wet Leg have been too busy playing ‘Chaise Lounge’ repeatedly to write a new song, but that hasn’t stopped them from whipping together an excellent remix of the legendary Depeche Mode’s latest track. Plucked from the band’s amazing new record, ‘Memento Mori,’ ‘Wagging Tongue’ is an epic Goth dirge that builds for a full minute over sparse sequencers before dropping into its mid-tempo beat. Any wish for a more danceable version of the track is granted with Wet Leg’s disco infused rearrangement. Armed with the Rhian Teasdale and Hester Chambers’ haunting backing vocals scattered atop David Gahan’s chopped up lead, as well as intensely summery backing instrumentation, this track is sure to fill beaches with black umbrellas for weeks to come.
Better Lovers “God Made Me An Animal”
Culminated from the remains of hardcore legends Every Time I Die and Dillinger Escape Plan, the newly formed supergroup Better Lovers have just surprise-released their debut EP, ‘God Made Me An Animal.’ Those who were left disheartened by the news of ETID’s unceremonious and far from amicable break-up last year will be more than assuaged by the title track alone, while fans of DEP are sure to be thrilled to hear a return to form from frontman Greg Puciato. The EP as a whole clocks at just over 15 minutes, wasting not even a millisecond as it burns through riff after gloriously heavy riff. The band also announced a pretty sizable summer tour, so we’ll see you in the motherfucking pit if they don’t intentionally skip our city.
Recently, our Managing Editor put padlocks on our office doors. She announced that no one was allowed to leave unless we shared our music streaming services’ search history. Those with Pandora were fired immediately without severance. The few that weren’t total nerds were rewarded with a thorough examination and critique. Here are the shocking results:
Mudvayne “Dig”
Some say Mudvayne is just the Wal-Mart version of Slipknot, who themselves are the Dollar Tree version of GWAR. We’re not sure if any of that is actually true. What we do know is that most streaming services offer a ‘Private Listening Mode’ to hide the fact that you still jam to stuff like this from the general public. Seriously, anyone can see that. What were they thinking? The employee responsible for this one has been placed on administrative leave, with their return pending a further investigation into their supposed ‘taste.’
Blue Öyster Cult “Godzilla”
This track has 70 million plays on Spotify and while they say 70 million people, including the writer who reportedly wasted almost four minutes of his life listening to this one, can’t be wrong, we’re pretty sure they can. First of all, ‘Godzilla’ isn’t even on the highly influential and groundbreaking 1998 record ‘Godzilla: The Album,’ so does it even have any legitimacy within the canon? We think not. Also, we’re pretty sure Netflix hasn’t made a true-crime documentary about this supposed Blue Öyster ‘Cult’ yet, so how great could they be?
Operation Ivy “Freeze Up”
‘Sorry. Listening to Operation Ivy harder will not convince the band to get back together. Live in the now, dear intern.’ That’s what our editor should have said to the poor soul that generated this search result. We’re sure calling them a dweeb and laughing in their face for a solid ten minutes conveyed the same message, though. We should probably give that guy a pass, though, as literally everyone on the planet just wants to see them headline Riot Fest before they die.
The Front Bottoms “Twin Size Mattress”
When we discovered this track looming on one of our writer’s Spotify accounts, we immediately sent them to our in-house therapist. Within ten minutes, the session was declared a disaster as both parties simultaneously sobbed about their exes while playing ‘Talon of the Hawk’ in its entirety at full volume. We’re not sure where they are now, but the last time we spotted them, they were doing mushrooms and writing a collaborative concept album about their former flames. This is what happens when health care is privatized.
Did you miss last week? Click here for even more music suggestions.