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I Recorded Myself Calling Ex-Girlfriends on Edibles and Accidentally Made a Front Bottoms Album

My pitch for this article was simple: I would ingest edibles and, under the influence, call a bunch of my ex-girlfriends. The idea was that so much marijuana with such high potency would completely erase any filter I have forcing us to have an honest, open conversation about our relationship and its demise. My hope was that I would learn who I am as a man and a boyfriend, how I act in relationships, and how to move forward in my single life.

But when I listened back to the recordings, I had accidentally created a brand new, fully produced, Front Bottoms album.

About an hour after eating a pot brownie I was high enough to get this experiment started. I called my college ex-girlfriend, Vicky. I had wondered if no longer having a filter would allow me to understand and explain to her why I had the affair that our relationship was unable to recover from.

When I listened back to the recording, though, I had instead told her, “I was drinking beer with J-Dogg and you were a sad artist, and I looked up and there were rain clouds.” Even stranger was that it was somehow sang by Brian Sella himself with the full band backing him up.

Things didn’t get any clearer after calling Jennifer who I dated last year. She broke up with me after saying I was too distant and I wanted an honest explanation of what she meant. But I apparently never let her get a word in, saying, “I had that awkward dream again where you and my dad kick me and I am uncomfortable about whether you like my room. It made me feel stoned because I was so high from pot,” followed by a tasteful trumpet riff.

Related: I Have A Doctor’s Note to Be Too High for My Shift at Cheesecake Factory


I must have had one or two more brownies after that because the next recordings sounded even more strange and frantic: a radical departure from the other ones because now there was also a synthesizer. I began yelling at my high school sweetheart, Tina, “Personally, cigarettes make me scared of never being emotional. I talked to a girl who was nervous. Her face looked like summer and I went to bed, yeah.”

The Fueled By Ramen exec I sent them too told me this song was indistinguishable from anything else the band had ever sent them. I reminded them of how successful Owl City was in the wake of The Postal Service and they offered me a four album deal.

I suppose this experiment didn’t go quite the way I wanted it to and my exes weren’t happy but I’m trying to look on the bright side. I may never know why I’m a bad boyfriend but at least I’m co-headlining with Say Anything in Europe this spring.

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Article by Steve Fiorillo @steve_fiorillo