As anyone without children can tell you, being a childless adult is the absolute pinnacle of human existence. It rules, it’s awesome, it’s the best.…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Local man Brian Langley, who often proclaims he “likes all music except country and rap,” is reportedly feeling vindicated after assault allegations…
Steven Jones, an otherwise boring millennial with an even more boring name, has been hiding an extraordinary, superhuman ability: digesting dairy without immediately having explosive…
Look, I know that these days everyone goes around acting like they’re President of the Sodom and Gamera fan club. I see their merch everywhere,…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — A decidedly arrogant YouTube guitar tutorial incorrectly assumed that the person watching it already knew what the hell he was talking about…
AKRON, Ohio — Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden announced a new initiative today during a campaign stop at a tire manufacturing plant, promising to “wipe…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Recent trust-fund recipient and part-time blogger Nick Headon reportedly smirked yesterday while vigorously typing on his brand new MacBook Pro at Merritt…
LOS ANGELES — Tech billionaire Elon Musk and legendary U2 frontman Bono announced today that, after years of testing and research, their team finally has…
Nintendo’s highly coveted SNES Classic Mini system comes out today and is certain to be a hot item. A word of advice to gamers who…
Man Who Thought of It First Could Also Reportedly Do It Better
BROOKLYN, NY — Standing in the back of the room with his arms crossed, local man Adam Franklin announced to everyone within earshot that not…