TACOMA, Wash. — Local boyfriend Adam Leben refused to admit to any wrongdoing for his alleged horrible behavior in his…
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LEWISTON, Maine — Local hardcore kid Ernie Gibbs is reportedly such a serious hardcore fan that he goes to sleep…
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Bobby Korec
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SEATTLE — Depression and anxiety unexpectedly announced a co-headlining secret show last night at the prefrontal cortex venue inside the…
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Dan Kozuh
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BALTIMORE — Depressed researchers at Johns Hopkins University suggest a proper night’s sleep should last between 14 and 18 hours…
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Louie Aronowitz
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NEW YORK — Local man Adam Lefler is increasingly nervous to check his 194 notifications on Facebook this morning after…
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Ashley Naftule
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When I heard that doom metal gods Sleep were playing “Dopesmoker” in its entirety on an outdoor stage in Death…
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SAN FRANCISCO — Confused stoner Tyler Harrison participated in a sleep-study program believing the nocturnal testing session would actually be a…
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Mark Roebuck
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COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions,…
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BOSTON — AggroNap, a noise machine sleep aid for people who grew up in broken homes, is set to hit…
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Mark Roebuck
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AUSTIN, Texas -- Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version…
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