Tom Peters
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Let’s face it, getting older brings a new series of challenges when it comes to getting totally fucked up. Higher…
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Andy Holt
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SANTA ANA, Calif. — Local gamer Niles Rosenbaum decided to increase the difficulty level of his life by reducing his…
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Grant Mulitz
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SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Noting a breakthrough in our understanding of human sleep behaviors, researchers at U.C. Santa Cruz have…
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Patrick Crooks
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NEW YORK — Quarantined man Michael Gray repeated his rigid daily routine moments ago when he turned off his alarm,…
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Kevin Tit
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NEWPORT, Ky. — Notable stoner and “flat earth” conspiracy theorist John Hays has been playing the same Sleep album continuously…
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V.F. Thompson
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After dutifully reporting to my essential job opening at 5 a.m. at Panera every morning since all this shit started…
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Rose Vineshank
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BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep…
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Brett McCabe
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LOS ANGELES — Tired, aging 31-year-old punk David Kresner was relieved when police arrived at a record release show last…
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Patrick Coyne
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COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming…
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Patrick Coyne
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MANHATTAN, Kan. — Bleary-eyed local woman Sharon Esses reported this morning that the only consistent part of her bedtime routine…
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