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Deafheaven Bassist Falls Asleep Onstage

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PORTLAND, Ore. — Deafheaven’s bassist, Stephen Clark, was lulled to sleep in the middle of his band’s Red Bull Sound Select show in Portland last night, according to critics already raving that the musician slept through Deafheaven’s ambient shoegaze black-metal bullshit perfectly.

“It was a flawless performance. Just absolutely flawless. These guys are creating a new genre,” one pundit wrote on his Pitchfork worship blog. “When he started snoring I knew I was witnessing the best set of the year, possibly the best set of the century.”

This was just one of many positive reviews following the seemingly endless set.

“They are just so dark. I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t even wrap my head around how they get so dark,” said journalist Terry Harris. “That the band must put something in their wash.”

 

Clark explained what caused his sudden lapse into unconsciousness.

“I was standing there, laying down the bass line for ‘Vertigo’ when I felt this warm calmness wash over my body. It was like I was all wrapped up in one of our signature Deafheaven Blankets©, being gently rocked from side to side,” said Clark while rubbing the dirt from his eyes. “It was so cozy that I thought I’d just close my eyes for a second.”

The next thing Clark remembered was Deafheaven guitarist Kerry McCoy kicking him in the ass and yelling “this isn’t fucking funny” while the band attempted to finish the song.

“I was tired, too, but I would never fall asleep on stage,” said McCoy. “This isn’t a fucking joke. Everyone was laughing. It’s not a joke. It’s not fucking funny. We’re creating a new genre.”

Deafheaven is no stranger to controversy. After canceling a tour due to lost luggage containing all of their black clothes, the band had their rider leaked to the public with it stating that each band member requires three lint rollers before taking the stage.

The Hard Times reached out to the Deafheaven vocalist for comment but his response was too low in the mix for us to understand.

Article by Josh Fernandez. Photos by Lukas Hodge.

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29 Comments

  1. Shut Up January 14, 2015

    I’m a Deafheaven fan and that was hilarious.

  2. David January 14, 2015

    Hahaha, hit the nail on the head yet again!

  3. john doe January 14, 2015

    As if we needed any further proof as to how full of shit this band is. Fuck this band and their limp wristed fans.

    • slaughterhouse January 14, 2015

      Less of that talk dude. Being derogatory and shit.

    • arthur January 15, 2015

      fuck this band whatever yeah ok paths to judah is the record i get it ok cool but fuck you and homophobic bullshit get out of the scene get off the internet going build something greater.

  4. Yup. January 14, 2015

    Perry Como (aka Mr. Relaxation) did it first.

  5. J January 14, 2015

    Yesssssssss

  6. Bryan January 14, 2015

    How do they know what song they are playing?

  7. fatcock January 14, 2015

    I heard doug bowden has a big cock

  8. Steve January 14, 2015

    You know a band is doing something right when they have the elitist bullshit metal/punk community collectively crying and crapping their diapers. That being said this was pretty funny.

  9. ayietim1 January 14, 2015

    What a way to gain recognition! Very funny.

  10. Jeff January 15, 2015

    “Elitest bullshit metal/punk community”? Maybe you should just stop listening to contrived garbage muzak, and get over that one time that nobody liked you at some random show. Not everyone is like that. Maybe you’re just a total pussy?

  11. Sean Ross January 15, 2015

    I believe that’s called a heroin nod.

  12. IDidn'tDoIt January 15, 2015

    It took that long for someone to comment about a heroin nod? Of course it was! Makes sense considering how upset the guitarist was… And how adimate he was that it wasn’t “a fucking joke.” But in all honestly, shit isn’t that serious… People are getting heated over a fucking comment column. It’s hilarious.

    • mart February 8, 2015

      The onion is my number 1 news source.

  13. accsoleh January 15, 2015

    \m/ keep rock

  14. steve January 15, 2015

    yawn. “Maybe you’re just a total pussy?” wow…don’t you sound tough anonymously over the internet…thanks for proving my point about elitist fuckwads crying about people liking a solid band 😉 as for “contrived music” deafheaven is no more or less contrived than any other metal act. in fact less so than some since they aren’t wearing corpse paint and screaming about satan raping cunts or some other such nonsense. now, as for getting over “that one time that nobody liked you at some random show.” i have never experienced that…but if you need to project your misfortunes this way fine. i couldn’t care less what you think about me and whatever will help you feel better about it i suppose..

  15. Beanstalk January 15, 2015

    This is hilarious. Especially the riff on the way the vocals are mixed in Sunbather. Humor works so much better when the writer really knows the territory and can get beyond the obvious. Thanks!

  16. jai January 16, 2015

    Maybe he’s just narcoleptic and he doesn’t know it yet.

  17. Gnarly Bronson January 16, 2015

    Someday people are going to care more about their own shit and less about what others think about it.

  18. Jeff January 16, 2015

    Jesus Christ, how long was that song??? Seriously I don’t know because I fell asleep too.

  19. roadjunkie January 16, 2015

    haha the boys in deafheaven have an epic sense of humor and will probably think this is hilarious. Love those dudes, love the band, they are killin’ the game <3

  20. J January 17, 2015

    This band sucks and the new genre is called ” 2000 Long Island screamo”
    It already happened they are doing anything new. It’s boring
    Id fall asleep too

  21. Paul Robertson January 21, 2015

    I how hard people have to act. You don’t like Deafheaven? Or their sound? Guess what? They will comtinue to make music and they will continue to get more fans than your shitty garage band that played at that pyrate punx show last week to a crowd of 8 people with the most obscure patches on their vest. Im not a fan of this shoe gazy black metal, but i respect the music and wont try to put on a show as to how bad i think they should collectively in the scene.

  22. Billy January 22, 2015

    yeah I used to fall asleep too, right after I did a big one of heroin! I love how he even added “it felt like a warm blanket was around me and I just wanted to close my eyes for a second”. Famous last words of the heroin nod!!! Haha!

  23. Jon January 22, 2015

    Who told these guys they were good? New genre my ass. There is nothing special about this band. If you can’t stay awake through your set, then get the fuck off the stage. You disgrace the name of music.

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