JERUSALEM — Archeologists from Brown University made a bombshell discovery late last week in a long-lost scripture describing Jesus being super rude to the waiter…
ENUMCLAW, Wash. — Local lovey-dovey punk Geoff Bayweather took his partner by complete surprise after serving her a traditional breakfast in mattress on the floor,…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Will Chalke shared his health-conscious drinking regime this morning, noting that – in order to keep himself in check –…
LAS VEGAS — Organizers of the When We Were Young Festival announced that they have set aside 700 parking spots specifically for teens waiting to…
COOKEVILLE, Tenn. — Cautious guitarist Samuel Tollins is almost ready to fart near his new Fender American Professional II Stratocaster after three months of being…
CARBONDALE, Ill. — Area woman Meg Sebastian conceded that she would “check out Primus” in a desperate bid to end what she would later call…
NEW YORK — Percussion enthusiast Jeffery Saunders was disturbed to discover his new electronic drum kit let out sounds of sexual excitement each time his…
RICHMOND — Local cyclist, Peter Williams, survived a collision with an unoccupied van parked on a heavily-trafficked street late this morning thanks to his bicycle…
SAN DIEGO — Family and friends of struggling social media influencer Kevin Watkins gathered this Tuesday to try and mourn his untimely passing, only to…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. —Residents of local punk house The Rot Shop are engaged in a heated debate over the merits of the ragged multi-purpose ottoman that…
BEIJING — Norway added another gold medal in the 2022 Winter Olympic Games when their team of Black Metal musicians dominated the Standing Around in…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local punk Elizabeth “Bloodfucker” Matolka elicited mild surprise from her bandmates when she acknowledged a degree of affinity for country-pop artist…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local woman Katie Sandoval has been reconsidering the stability of her marriage after walking in on her husband watching Zero Skateboards’ 1997…
PHOENIX — Local couple Mia Jaquish and Timothy Sickler spiced up their relationship by hanging a mirror above their bed so they can watch themselves…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Self-appointed master of thrifting Ryan Lowell is reportedly exhausted from explaining his craft to uneducated crowds low-balling him on his vintage resell…