SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS — Professors at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft admit they’re struggling with teaching students remotely via Zoom several months into a devastating outbreak of…
NEW YORK — Quarantined high school bully Evan Maddox, under stay-at-home orders for the past three weeks, gave himself swirlies yesterday out of desperation, amused…
KYOTO, Japan — A troubling new study from the University of Hidari Wakibara has found that it takes a typical anime student at least nine…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local 38-year-old scenester James Adkins is bemoaning to anyone who will listen that up-and-coming emo kids are no longer learning firsthand about…
GREAT BARRINGTON, Mass. — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan stood up to speak last night at an assembly about the current state of the education…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Local eighth grader Steve McKenzie was confused and disillusioned last week when his first kiss at last night’s school dance did…
AKRON, Ohio — Local fourth-grader Vincent “Vinny” Ortiz-Galt felt “I don’t know, just bad, I guess” about wearing a homemade bulletproof vest to school that…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Edison High School was set ablaze with speculation last week that it’s gym teacher, Douglas Vesely, might actually be legendary hardcore frontman…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Brown University freshman Matthew Davis made history earlier this week by becoming the first member of his family to ever drop out…
LOS ANGELES — Industrial rock musician Marilyn Manson is growing increasingly frustrated and distraught over high-profile mass shootings in the U.S. and his apparent lack…
NORTH MANCHESTER, Ind. — Middle-aged punk John Miaza recalled today exactly which high school class he was skipping when the first plane crashed into the…
MIDVALE, Utah — In an attempt to invigorate his students with a passion for learning, AP U.S. History teacher Frederick Clemens decided half-way through the…
PALLET TOWN, Kanto — World famous Pokémon researcher Professor Samuel Oak has enraged students by not letting them use Bulbapedia for their final exam. “Yet…
When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I…
FAIRVIEW, Kan. — Local mother Deanna Jones dropped off her eldest son Jason in the parking circle of Fairview High School this morning for the…