LINCOLN, Neb. — Scene members held a candlelight vigil last night for Gary Johnson, the still-alive merch guy for punk band The Orphan Molesters who…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Every member of Rochester’s remaining DIY scene is homeless today following their eviction from the 600 square foot studio apartment they shared,…
MOFFAT, Colo. — The entire local punk scene of a small town in southern Colorado is named Denise Killian, age 27, a lone source reports.…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Genetic scientists have resurrected a dead punk scene using the DNA of an original guitarist preserved in amber, sources sick of hearing…
LANSING, Mich. — A new punk census surveyed scenes across the nation gauging the health of local DIY communities, and alarmingly found the numbers everywhere…
ATLANTA — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention issued a reminder today that no one would’ve attended a Thursday night show anyway at KTUB…
FITCHBURG, Mass. — 32-year-old hardcore kid Justin Phillips is driving the “snakes” out of his local scene just as the original Saint Patrick did hundreds…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus “and other infectious diseases,” clarifying that highly contagious sicknesses of any…
PHILADELPHIA — The entire punk scene of Philadelphia resolved today that promoter, producer, and overall pillar of the scene Stevie Bryant is “completely unbookable,” hushed…
ENTERPRISE, Ala. — Local guitarist and small-town punk Jill Keeley is planning an hours-long drive across state lines today in order to support her local…
SALT LAKE CITY — Members of supposed straight edge band Untainted were cast out of their local scene yesterday after debuting a logo that did…
NEW YORK — Local punk and scene veteran Ruby St. John’s mammary glands were diagnosed with CTE today after sustaining her 17,000th elbow shot during…
CHAPEL HILL, N.C. — Local man and admitted problem-drinker Gibson Leary woke up this morning with a headache, dehydration, and a CD he must have…
BALTIMORE — Local office punk Sean Cruz reportedly moved up front and center yesterday to represent for his colleague during a Q4 earnings presentation, according…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes…