PHILADELPHIA — Local Punk, Sid Stott, announced his plans to improve his health and well-being by smoking healthier cigarettes in the New Yea, skeptical sources…
EARTH — Punks around the globe who are unsatisfied with oppressive global systems designed to benefit a few powerful individuals at the expense of everyone…
HOUSTON — Local “hot mess” Terri Garter is confident she found the long-awaited solution to get her life back on track in a $20 daily…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local gamer Cal Huckaby has postponed the announcement of his highly anticipated new year’s resolution until an unspecified date later in the…
MILWAUKEE — 32-year-old punk Omar Neihoff made a New Year’s resolution last night to attend at least one show before the end of this calendar…
Feeling overly confident after having just completed his first “Fundamentals of Boxing” class at Park Street Gym, local man Lance Bennett is reportedly hoping someone…
LOS ANGELES — No one is really taking Chain of Strength’s New Year’s resolution very seriously. The legendary hardcore band, which continues to influence straight edge…