Doug Francisco
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AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while…
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Brendan Krick
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LANCASTER, Pa. — Lt. Dale Sherman was reportedly “completely bummed” to be on surveillance detail last weekend at the annual…
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Patrick Coyne
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BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation…
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Gary Doyle
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GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A four-year-old golden retriever named Sadie is far and away the most productive member of local…
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Patrick Coyne
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PHILADELPHIA — Local woman Juliana Azzara passed the four hours waiting for her train last night by asking a man…
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Kaitlyn Jeffers
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HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Seminal crust punk band Leftöver Crack canceled their upcoming Midwestern tour today when drummer Donny Morris…
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Tom Peters
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AMHERST, Mass. — Local resident Minkont Cranford stunned his roommates yesterday with his acquisition of an oversized, bulky organ, discovered…
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Mark Roebuck
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DETROIT — Avid cannabis consumer Jake Sweeney exploded in rage today after finding a seed in his marijuana for the…
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Ben Friedman
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LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019…
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Patrick Coyne
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NEW YORK — The highly anticipated Ramones “Word of the Day” calendar was released yesterday, which disappointed but unsurprised fans…
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