Nyda Ahmad
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KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of…
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Laurie Storrie
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LANSING, Mich. — Local 13-year-old Malcolm Woods’ attempt at drunken debauchery last night ended in disappointment after realizing the bottle…
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James Knapp
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BALTIMORE — Touring garage-rock band Bananther reportedly made bassist Mike Sutherland order off the Denny’s kids’ menu in an effort…
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DETROIT — Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden admitted he is considering current president Donald Trump as a potential running mate in…
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Bobby D. Lux
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PEORIA, Ill. — Legendary street punk band The Drain Cloggers’ re-release of their seminal 2000 album, “The Ship’s Sinking and…
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Patrick Crooks
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NAZARETH, Pa. — Local teen Brian Miller found his father’s old stash of Playboys while snooping through the garage late…
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James Knapp
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KENT, Conn. — Local shoplifter and psychological mastermind Wendy “Sticky Fingers” Hartley reportedly bought a 35-cent pack of Big Red…
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk Eddy “Rotgut” Lewiston made a panicked phone call to his parents to make sure his…
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Patrick Coyne
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DENVER — A controversial new study conducted by “a gaggle of lame-ass dorks with like, basically two followers or whatever”…
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Patrick Coyne
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SALT LAKE CITY — Relatively tidy local woman Aaliyah Thomson is allegedly debating which side of her horrendously stained and…
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