Lana Schwartz
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December 20, 2020
PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you,…
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Dan Rice
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December 19, 2020
PORTLAND, Maine — Poland Spring executives announced yesterday that they will re-release their flagship, original recipe water for the first…
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Freelancer
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December 19, 2020
MADISON, Wis. — The breakout Netflix show “The Queen’s Gambit” has reportedly inspired millions of young girls around the globe…
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Shea Strauss
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December 19, 2020
WILMINGTON, N.C. — Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction,…
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Dan Rice
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December 19, 2020
LOS ANGELES — A 10-minute exercise in mindful meditation for musician and Trader Joe’s crew member Adrienne Tuckman evolved into…
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Amir Adan
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December 18, 2020
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local ghost Cece Quinn is reportedly unreachable unless specifically summoned with a name-brand Ouija board, and promises…
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Luke Thornton
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December 18, 2020
ATLANTA — Local writer and amateur philosopher Alex Garfield is still questioning the meaning of life today after receiving an…
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Nariko Ott
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December 17, 2020
LOS ANGELES — 35-year-old self-described “Dashboard Confessional superfan” David Calva awoke today to find his male-pattern baldness went into overdrive,…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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December 17, 2020
SAN DIEGO — Former Blink 182 guitarist Tom DeLonge reportedly spent the last six days brainstorming words that rhyme with…
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Gregg Gethard
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December 16, 2020
PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Matthew Kearns, a bartender at the Ye Olde Tap House located in the rear corner of a…
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