Patrick Coyne
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November 10, 2020
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor…
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Danny Taverner
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November 10, 2020
DALLAS — Residents of the local punk house The Lincoln Memorial learned yesterday that the white noise machine they thought…
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Lauren Lavín
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November 9, 2020
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local sandwich artist Allison Kim’s spacious, work-issued polo shirt did little to block a well-known customer’s intense,…
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Louie Aronowitz
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November 9, 2020
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly admitted today that he now mostly uses his time machine to go back in…
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Kevin Tit
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November 9, 2020
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after…
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Tim Nash
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November 9, 2020
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album,…
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Johnny Mo
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November 8, 2020
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Quarantined suitor Gabe Dawson canceled his highly anticipated Zoom date with “hot barista Dylan” last night…
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John Dixon
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November 8, 2020
ATLANTA — Adam Hansen, the lead vocalist of death metal band Corpse Licker and best known for his flowing locks…
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Salim Alam
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November 8, 2020
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. -— Former Vice President Dan Quayle has reportedly contracted the novel Coronavirus “COVIDE-19,” according to Quayle’s medical…
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Kevin Tit
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November 8, 2020
2020 has got to be the worst year for punk by far. Ant that's saying a lot since it died…
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