OLIVETTE, Mo. — Siblings Freddy and Kevin Rosario have separately come to the unfortunate conclusion that quoting a “Plimpton Auto” ad from 2000 is the only thing left they have in common.
“The Plimpton ad played every commercial break during wrestling on Saturday nights, so we must’ve seen it hundreds of times. That absolute masterpiece had everything: thick regional accents, numerous air horns, old white people rapping, a washed-up NHL player, and even the owner’s daughter awkwardly tap-dancing on top of a used Saturn,” said Freddy. “But what we didn’t realize at the time was that some two decades later, this commercial would be the very shaky foundation on which our entire relationship rests. Time sure is a funny, brutal thing.”
To his credit, little brother and now 31-year-old man Kevin Rosario has tried to find new ways to bond with his older brother.
“We both know we can’t just keep texting each other ‘Oh truck yeah!’ every three months. So, I’ve been trying to find something new for us to quote during family gatherings. I sent him a link to a recent Plimpton Auto ad from a few years ago, but now the owner’s got hair plugs and it’s just a real bummer,” said Kevin. “It sucks that we don’t have some sort of shared childhood trauma that would’ve bound us together for life, you know? Instead we got stuck with bullshit, loving parents.”
Dealership owner and commercial star Carl Plimpton was both flattered for the renewed attention and desperate to sell a car.
“$999, are you out of your mind? Am I out of my mind? Who are you people?” said a visibly confused and frantic Plimpton. “Sure glad to hear someone still gets a kick out of my old commercials. But for the love of Christ, tell them to come in and buy a couple of Buick Cascadas or something. We’re tanking over here.”
At press time, Freddy was taking up smoking in an attempt to die first and avoid having to think of material to someday include in his brother’s eulogy.