TOLEDO, Ohio — 28-year-old Sammy Warner was shocked last week when attending her 10-year high school reunion by how much her former classmates have aged,…
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Senator Bernie Sanders surprised his rabid fanbase today with an announcement that he would play his classic 2016 presidential campaign in its…
TOPEKA, Kan. — Local punk Ryan Brewer was doomed Thursday night to wander the earth as a merch guy until he can find a replacement…
ROUND ROCK, Texas — Interactive storytelling fans were disappointed this week by a new choose-your-own-adventure novel that promised the opportunity to see through the eyes…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A recent study by a research group of hardcore frontmen found that the pain of childbirth is almost as bad as the…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local punks Simone Marek and Kris Hagen announced today that they have secured “A” round funding to launch TatWell, a startup…
ATLANTA — Local metal guy and Violet Wonder guitarist Jeff Glover is “fucking terrible” at pleasuring women with his hands despite his well-known abilities to…
FLUSHING, N.Y. — A Valentine’s Day dinner shared by post-hardcore couple Jeff Casey and Allie Morgan escalated into an all-out screaming argument before suddenly breaking…
Dear Scabby: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he’s wondering why I won’t introduce him to my parents.…
MOORE, Okla. — Local drummer Henry Cortez confirmed last night that he “totally knows” what sex is, and only asked a series of misguided questions…
LANDSDALE, Pa. — A guitar in the care of local musician Andrew Sampson is treated with more respect and dignity than Sampson’s own body, multiple…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — The Scott family is paying tribute to Wrigley, their former family dog and long-deceased canine, by keeping his name alive within…
LONDON — Legendary Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page is releasing his “totally original” and “not-at-all stolen” life story this month, entitled Black Mamba Voodoo Jive…
LOS ANGELES — In an effort to bolster declining viewership, the six-time Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots will perform during the Grammy Awards’ halftime show…
ATLANTA — Local Christian punk band Keeper of Wolves has found themselves without an audience, after both cultural groups with whom they identify disowned them…