Mark Roebuck
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LOS ANGELES — Veteran musician and Alkaline Trio founder Matt Skiba reportedly wishes he hadn’t gotten a prominent tattoo of…
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Ryan Danley
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BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left…
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Courtney Baka
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CHICAGO — Local stoner Lukas James accidentally tasted his first apple in over ten years last week after using it…
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Michael Luis
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VANCOUVER — Nu-metal fan and dedicated JNCO jeans wearer Chad Willis was the only surviving passenger of a plane crash…
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Holly Woodstock
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REINLANDER, Wisc. — A group of white men were mistaken for the headlining band of a local show early yesterday…
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Stephen Bell
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ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow…
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Krissy Howard
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A limited-capacity show yesterday evening drew a crowd twice as large as local band Jolly Bean Chili…
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Billy Patterson
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PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking…
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Heather Cook
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TAMPA, Fla. – Local emo singer Dacian Miron was seen in a Chipotle parking lot pathetically begging his girlfriend to…
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Mark Turner
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MEDFORD, Ore. — A sleepover between longtime friends Billy Potter and Sam Cortland turned sour after the former discovered his…
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