I was once like you, barely able to pay for essentials like Tinder Plus while still having enough money leftover for avocados and bubble tea.…
WICHITA, Kan. — Parents Tina and Dale Jeffries breathed a huge sigh of relief this week as their 16-year-old son Kyson’s militant fascism is finally…
NEW YORK — NYPD officer Martin Stuart heroically paused earlier today to reflect that chokeholds are now an illegal use of force in New York…
POLYNESIAN ISLAND — Self-proclaimed villain Bixby “Moggie Man” Middlegrift took extra pains to ensure his new lair would be built with “extra wide” air vents,…
NASSAU, N.Y. — Local parents and staunch anti-vaxxers Shannon and Dane Wittle will promote their youngest child Ayden to the position of oldest child following…
LOS ANGELES — Film director Alex Cox came to the sudden and tragic realization this morning that his 1986 biopic “Sid and Nancy” was just…
LEWISBURG, W.V. — The favorite shirt that you wore frequently the year you were 29-years-old magically transformed to a piece of clothing only large enough…
When people look me, they see my earnest expression, my passionate eyes, and just above, below, and in between the two, they see approximately 47…
DENTON, Texas — Children’s literature icon Waldo was found yesterday within a local black metal band logo after nearly 30 minutes of attempting to understand…
ODESSA, Texas — Local Libertarian Wayne Allen is maintaining his personal trend of only getting the point halfway regarding a variety of social and economic…
TULSA, Okla. — Following President Trump’s categorization of “antifa” as a terrorist group, the Woody Guthrie Memorial Center was raided today by federal agents, taking…
LOS ANGELES — The last remaining Tudor split-level house known to mankind was burned to the ground yesterday during the filming of an emotional episode…
SARASOTA, Fla. — Local musician, blog editor-in-chief, stand-up comedian, and medical records clerk Geordie Warren has his only real paying job listed fourth on his…
ZANESVILLE, Ohio — Tensions between two punk roommates are on the rise today after a months-long feud over whose turn it is to throw a…
BATON ROUGE, La. — The space reserved for learning a new language in the brain of local woman Mariko Hess is instead storing every lyric…