LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Conestoga Distillery, the makers of popular new Vulture Rye whiskey, have disrupted the market by selling their product in the least-efficient bottle…
PARADISE VALLEY, Ariz. — A seasoned and fatigued Rob Halford admitted today that after nearly five decades of donning inflexible studded leather outfits, he is…
WASHINGTON — The Republican Party has loosened its stance on voter suppression and ballot security ahead of this year’s general election after the U.S. surpassed…
CHICAGO — Local straight edge man Rodney Palmer woke up mortified this morning after realizing he’d broken edge while blackout drunk the night before, sources…
CARMEL, Ind. — Used car salesman and Turning Point USA volunteer Jeremy “J-Man” Johnson confronted an elementary school teacher on Facebook today that resulted in…
DYERSVILLE, Iowa — The magical “Field of Dreams” that once hosted the ghosts of baseball greats like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson and Mel Ott has been…
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — A burrito purchased at a local 7-11 today was beyond repulsed by the disgusting schlub who bought and consumed it,…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Career landlord and general piece of shit Tyler Simpson was devastated to learn today that he’s also losing his tenants’ unemployment benefits,…
WASHINGTON — House and Senate Republicans agreed today that, rather than issue additional stimulus payments, Americans would be better off investing their previous stimulus in…
ORLANDO — Local GG Allin impersonator Darius Boone was arrested last week on a slew of charges directly related to his tribute to his musical…
HAMPSHIRE, England — Popular singer-songwriter Frank Turner gained 40 extra pounds over the last month to properly play and cover NOFX singer Fat Mike’s songs…
CHICAGO — An Avis car rental in Lincoln Park is trying to send the federal government a $50 cleaning bill today to remove the blood…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local tattoo artist Mike Lussier ended his self-imposed quarantine yesterday and debuted a plethora of new upside-down tattoos he gave himself to…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democratic Presidential frontrunner Joe Biden and his staffers were surprised by the results of a recent COVID-19 test that found that he…
PAWNEE, Ind. — The small Indiana town of Pawnee became the epicenter of America’s Coronavirus pandemic last week due to new mayor Ron Swanson’s laissez…