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Man Horrified after Receiving 2021 Pornhub Wrapped

SUN VALLEY, Nev. — Local man and occasional masturbator Harrison Weber was disgraced after receiving his “2021 Pornhub Wrapped” late yesterday morning, which outlined all the pornography he “used” over the past 12 months.

“I don’t even have a Pornhub login, I use an incognito window like everyone else, so I figured the email was just a spoof on the Spotify thing. But when I saw that the first slide said ‘YASSS! In February you were really into some cheugy step-cousin depilation porn’ I knew I was in trouble,” explained Weber. “There’s just something extremely unnerving about being told I ‘understood the assignment’ because I was in the top 8% of ‘giantess footjob pov’ fans.”

Girlfriend and fellow porn enthusiast Mckenzie Joseph was particularly shocked by Weber’s preferences.

“Unlike Spotify that gives you the option to share your Wrapped, Pornhub has made the bold choice of automatically sending yours to all your email contacts. Don’t get me wrong, it’s for sure some 1984 shit that all my illicit smut searches were tracked and compiled into a colorful slideshow, but I suppose it’s somewhat comforting to know that everyone is secretly a sick fuck,” said Joseph. “But on a personal level, this has caused significant friction in our relationship. First, the shades of color in Harrison’s ‘porn aura’ was deeply unsettling, I’ll just leave it at that. Second, it’s become clear we have way different wants and needs — he’s a huge fan of ‘milf assjob’ videos, but I prefer ‘mature anal.’ I’m not sure our relationship can overcome such vast differences.”

After receiving hundreds of complaints however, Pornhub was quick to respond to many of the rumors and misinformation.

“Contrary to what you may have heard, Pornhub Wrapped 2021 is not an elaborate extortion scheme to blackmail politicians and world leaders,” said Pornhub’s head of marketing Halle Guzman. “Sure, it is fascinating to know that Trump’s favorite porn search this year was ‘BLONDE DAUGHTER CHANGES DAD DIAPER’ but it’s not like we’re offering to delete his search history in exchange for, I don’t know, 73.2 million dollars. That would be illegal, obviously.”

Not to be outdone, UberEats released its year-end list of “Your Favorite Meals You Didn’t Even Really Want to Order In But What Else Were You Gonna Do, Make a Fuckin’ Lasagna? Yeah Right, You Pathetic Fuck.”