DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
CHERRY HILL, N.J. — Local woman Stacy Tran was reportedly shocked by a recent revelation that she shares a more intimate bond with her shower…
LOS ANGELES — Recently vaccinated man Albert Kalomatsos posted his out-of-focus vaccine selfie weeks too late for it to even have a symbolic meaning, way…
SASKATOON — Violence nearly erupted following an argument between a local Canadian and a visiting metalhead over the cultural origins of the denim vest, moderately…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham recently posted a photo to Instagram that showed him pocketing cash stolen from a band he…
CINCINNATI — The comments section on a Facebook post about treatments for anxiety and depression caused by the solitude and stress of the Coronavirus pandemic…
MOORESTOWN, N.J. — Local dad Henry Connor insisted he will not be comfortable hugging his 27-year-old son Griffin until they’re both vaccinated against COVID-19, or…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…
Social distancing regulations got you down? Losing your sense of identity without the ability to get drunk in a stranger’s basement and mosh until you’re…
DENVER — Local woman Caitlin Baker recently celebrated her fully vaccinated status by dropping her dating standards to an all-time low, concerned friends and family…
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman and lifelong punk Charlotte Birdsong came to the relieving conclusion that she does not miss a single thing about going…
In America, police officers kill about 1,100 citizens per year — roughly 30 times that of the next leading nation. Every time the cops kill…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…