SAN DIEGO — Entomologists at the California Center for Insect Study published a paper today detailing the fascinating life cycle of the common Iron Maiden…
WASHINGTON — Parental groups across the nation are growing concerned about a new recording technique known as “frontmasking,” in which satanic messages are conveyed when…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local five-piece outfit Brain Pollution have completed their successful transition from forgettable hardcore act into atrocious metal band, disappointing unsuspecting fans throughout…
PORT CHESTER, N.Y. — Doom metal band Satan’s Bong asked organizers of the Black Grief Festival if the band had time to perform one more…
ATLANTA — Bassist Adam Frost has joined local metal outfit Niceguy Genocide in a lucrative, two-year deal worth an estimated $100, Frost’s management team confirmed…
Fuckin’ SLAYER mother fucker! Yeah! Fuckin’ Raining Blood fuckin’ metal fuck yeah! AAAAAAARRRGGHHH! Yeah! Oh yeah so fuckin’ BRUTAL! 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0–0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0–0-0-0-0-0-0 You HEAR that SHIT?! That’s…
CLEVELAND — Metalhead Tom Stanza was deeply perplexed yesterday by the ambiguous review of metal band Gorefucker’s newest album Toxic Cum, confused sources confirmed. “First…
CLEVELAND — Metal legend Dave Mustaine refused to leave the lobby of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at closing time early this week…
SHREVEPORT, La. — Metal singer/songwriter Jake Reid strayed from his usual topics of drinking and fighting in his latest work, telling the true story of…
DES MOINES, Iowa — A group of young mystery solvers and their plucky pet dog stripped alternative-metal band Slipknot of their trademark masks last week…
CLEVELAND — Recently signed hardcore band Pain on Fire discovered this afternoon that their recent promotional photoshoot was marred by a pleasant grin from their…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — The guitarist and songwriter of a popular metal band was accused yesterday of using excessive umlauts in his tacit admission to…
MOLINE, Ill. — Touring death metal band Spoilation reportedly wasted little time before eating drummer Vic Walsh after their tour van broke down, failing to…
AMSTERDAM — The life-long dream of American metal band Goat Machine came true last week when they finally performed a show in Holland for a…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Metal diehard James Allen used the online tax filing platform TaxSlayer yesterday to “eviscerate, desecrate, and properly file” his 1040EZ tax return,…