LOS ANGELES — Heavy metal legends Mötley Crüe, preparing for an upcoming reunion tour, admitted today that they are excited to introduce their iconic catalogue…
Frontman Saves Mediocre Set by Doing Everything Venue Owners Politely Asked Him Not to Do
DAVIS, Calif. — Heavy metal band Despised Torture performed a destructive and dangerous set yesterday at The Velvet Cow, leaving the venue in disarray despite…
WASHINGTON — Legendary metal band Gwar asked the staff of NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series if “they were ready to get their assholes ripped open”…
Hey dude, turn that shit off, put on that last Racetraitor record and get everyone to gather round. Why? Check this shit out. Chris’s brother…
White Claw® Files Lawsuit Against Similarly Named Racist Black Metal Band
CHICAGO — Popular spiked seltzer brand White Claw filed a copyright infringement lawsuit yesterday against a National Socialist black metal band of the same name,…
Amps Outnumber Attendees 6 to 1 at Weeknight Doom Metal Show
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Cabs, heads, and amplifiers of all kinds outnumbered attendees for a weeknight doom metal show last night at local bar Jimmy’s…
Having an appreciation for Metallica’s later work is like robbing a convenience store; most people look down on it, but the few that don’t find…
Metal Fan Starting to Suspect “Fucked With a Knife” Lyrics Might be Kind of Not Cool Towards Women
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local death metal enthusiast Cooper Dempsey realized that the lyrics to Cannibal Corpse’s 1994 classic “Fucked With a Knife” might be a…
DENVER — Attendees of a local pop-punk show last night reported The Only Wish bass player Robert White’s Godflesh shirt suggested he’d much rather be…
Sobbing, Confused Mike Pence Spotted Leaving Lamb of God Show Early
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was “disoriented” and “inconsolable” last night leaving a concert by metal band Lamb of God shortly after it began,…
Band at Rehearsal Space Realizes New Song’s Been Missing 10 Metal Bands Playing Simultaneously in All Directions
MESA, Ariz. — Indie-folk band The Fox and the Nightingale discovered during a jam session at their new practice space last night that what their…
I get it. You see the corpse paint, the inverted crosses, the sheep’s heads skewered on mic stands, and you think, “Wow, this is one…
We Spoke With Legendary Black Metal Artist The Crow
Black Metal is most closely associated with its geographical roots in Scandinavia. There has been, however, a growing contingent of the scene in the United…
Well, this is just a fucking mess. Last night I went on what my ex refers to as one of my “dangerous binge drinking sessions”…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Heavy metal outfit Slipknot denied accusations again today that they are a ska band, despite having over a dozen members who…