ARLINGTON, Va. — Ryan Trent, a lifelong metalhead in his late 40s, is having a crisis of identity after hearing Darkthrone’s black metal scorcher “Summer…
ELKHART, Ind. — Legendary orchestral instrument manufacturer Selmer announced plans to edge into the metal musician market with the debut of a Flying V-shaped oboe,…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local dental patient Peter Thomas was in a state of panic recently when his dentist began absolutely blasting speed metal before beginning…
POMONA, Calif. – Liz Gore, lead vocalist of local death metal band Afterbirth, reportedly slipped into a strained and high-pitched customer service voice onstage last…
Arguably one of the most important explosions in bands in heavy metal history, the New Wave of British Heavy Metal movement, or NWOBHM (or to…
System Of A Down is one of those bands that has a near-universal appeal and everyone, whether they want to admit it or not, has…
Listen, Barth…err I mean “Agramon,” your mother and I love you very much. We are both so proud of the kvlt metal staple you’ve become…
EAST LANSING, Mich. – Attendees of Fit4Life Athletic Club’s Thursday night Zumba class featuring a drone metal playlist burned a total of approximately four calories,…
NEW YORK — The introduction on a new track “Medieval Candle” from the seminal doom metal band Draconian Flesh turned out to be the entire…
FRENCH LICK, Ind. — Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically…
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. — Local doom metal outfit Everplug swore to a pact in which surviving members of the band will smoke marijuana from the…
OXFORD, England — Local metal fan William McClusky miraculously aced his way through the prestigious Oxford University Medical School solely on memorized lyrics by legendary…
Each week The Hard Times looks back on a classic album. This week we reviewed Slayer’s “Show No Mercy” because we decided to try cocaine…
LINKÖPING, SWEDEN — Local college student Lufsig Nilsson once again screwed up the lunch orders for the Group of Nameless Ghouls who play in Ghost…
DALLAS — Despondent black metal bedroom musician Dale “Vaxxix” Houlihan recently came to the sudden realization that the spiritual void in his life is best…