EAST LANSING, Mich. – Attendees of Fit4Life Athletic Club’s Thursday night Zumba class featuring a drone metal playlist burned a total of approximately four calories,…
NEW YORK — The introduction on a new track “Medieval Candle” from the seminal doom metal band Draconian Flesh turned out to be the entire…
FRENCH LICK, Ind. — Local black metal parents Suzanne and Dmitri Ubnatern are persistent in asking their 30-year-old daughter to give them grandchildren to metaphorically…
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. — Local doom metal outfit Everplug swore to a pact in which surviving members of the band will smoke marijuana from the…
OXFORD, England — Local metal fan William McClusky miraculously aced his way through the prestigious Oxford University Medical School solely on memorized lyrics by legendary…
Each week The Hard Times looks back on a classic album. This week we reviewed Slayer’s “Show No Mercy” because we decided to try cocaine…
LINKÖPING, SWEDEN — Local college student Lufsig Nilsson once again screwed up the lunch orders for the Group of Nameless Ghouls who play in Ghost…
DALLAS — Despondent black metal bedroom musician Dale “Vaxxix” Houlihan recently came to the sudden realization that the spiritual void in his life is best…
BEND, Ore. — Touring thrash metal band Vertical Gnome made the decision to toss their bass player into the mouth of an active stratovolcano as…
We don’t usually give Ghost fans the time of day, but most parents don’t offer us a crisp Ben Franklin in exchange for just five…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich — Local meadery Springs of Fangorn closed early today when owner Mark Gray realized all of his staff had tickets to see…
MILWAUKEE – Local trivia team “Ethereal Pursuit” developed a reputation as an easy crew to beat within the local bar trivia scene due to the…
ORLANDO, Fla. — A new long sleeve shirt design for death metal band Gorebomb is confusing fans with its overwhelming amount of designs plastered all…
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — Local maniac Cole Kristoff openly admits he prefers the most recent releases from his favorite metal band Iron Weaver, outraged sources confirmed.…
Some old-school heavy metal bands tend to reign supreme 40 years later. Some tend to fall under the radar unless you’re a true-blue hesher. And…