TACOMA, Wash. — Atmospheric black metal band Galadriel’s Mirror pushed back against critics who claim their only influence is “The Lord of the Rings,” claiming their sound is also influenced by “The Hobbit.”
“Critics often compare us to other atmospheric black metal projects, but what sets us apart is that we take influence from all of Tolkein’s work, not just one or two books,” said guitarist/vocalist Scott ‘Foe Hammer’ Wilson. “Revisit our first album and you’ll hear references to Esgaroth and Gollum’s cave. A lot of these newer bands only write about the Misty Mountains or Entish lore. We’re actually working on a concept album about life as a peasant in the Gap of Rohan, prior to the Battle of Helm’s Deep.”
Other bands in the scene still question the legitimacy of Galadriel’s Mirror, including Erebor drummer Mark Hadley.
“Galadriel’s Pool or whoever are such posers,” said Hadley. “It’s obvious their bassist has only ever seen the movies and none of them have even read ‘The Silmarillion.’ If you ask them about it they’ll just walk away. They also don’t have the musicianship to capture the ethereal yet punishing landscape of Middle Earth. I wouldn’t be surprised if they devolved into one of those cringey castle metal bands in a few years.”
Varg Vikernes unintentionally went on a twenty-minute tangent irrelevant to the matter despite nobody asking his opinion.
“The Hobbits–they had no religion, you know,” said Vikernes while meticulously painting figurines for his board games. “Their love of permaculture and traditional family structure made them revered by the elves and rest of the New World Order. Modern western men have much to learn from the Shirefolk, you know. To understand how to resist the temptation of unnatural pleasures just as Frodo resisted the allure of the one ring is necessary to return to our primitive roots. We must do this, lest the West shall fall.”
At press time, Galadriel’s Mirror responded to Erebor’s “poser” accusation by challenging them to Tolkien trivia, but they’ve yet to commit to a date.