As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s even more sad is the fact that not everyone enjoys having FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR yelled at them. But sometimes, it is necessary. Here are several scenarios that without a doubt, warrant a good FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRRing.
1. You’re Wearing a Slayer T-Shirt and You Notice Another Person Also Wearing a Slayer T-Shirt
Okay, this is an obvious one. Everyone knows about the instant bond two people in Slayer t-shirts share. But what better way to acknowledge it other than to run right up to them and scream your love for Slayer right in their face? Careful, they might beat you to it!
2. You’re Wearing a Slayer T-Shirt, and You Notice a Person Who Isn’t Wearing a Slayer T-Shirt
How dare they own a shirt without the mighty Slayer’s logo on it, let alone wear it in public? Don’t they realize they’re like the only metal band ever to exist? Better throw up those horns and let em’ have it!
3. You See a Distracted Pedestrian Crossing the Road Into Oncoming Traffic
Oh no! That person is texting on their phone and is about to be hit by a bus! Sure, they might not be a Slayer fan, but you don’t want to see them get turned into meat sauce! FUCKIN’ SLAYER could be the phrase that makes them realize the fragility of life, or it could be the last thing they hear before being pulverized. Better hurry!
4. You Notice an Individual at a Table Across From You Being Rude to Their Server
“Does this steak look like it’s medium rare? I ordered medium rare. This is bullshit, and I ain’t paying for any of this.” Then boom, you give them the FUCKING SLAYERing of a lifetime. Look at that: They leave that poor waitress a nice fat 30% tip out of fear of looking like a fucking poser.
5. Someone is Having a Medical Emergency Such as a Seizure or Heart Attack, and You Need a Medical Professional Immediately
“FUCKIN’ SLAYER” is basically the same as “is there a doctor in the house?!” Pro tip: it works better if you’re yelling into the faces of anyone but the person who actually needs assistance.
6. You Notice a Person Who Simply Looks Like They Could Use Some “Fuckin’ Slayer” in Their Life
A life without Fuckin’ Slayer is not a life worth living. Although it’s important to respect those who choose to live a life without it. But how do they really know if they don’t want Slayer in their lives if they’ve never had it screamed directly into their face by some random fan? It’s up to you to open that door for them.
7. You Come Across a “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Cosplayer
Proceed with this one with caution. It might not be worth it, unless you want a wooden stake fashioned from an old sofa leg jammed into your chest.
8. You’ve Decided on Naming Your Child FUCKIN’ SLAYER
The doctor brings out your new little bundle of joy, you look in his face for the first time then mutter the words, “There he is, little FUCKIN’ SLAYER junior.” It’s a beautiful feeling.