WASHINGTON — The United States of America picked up another twenty seasons of Forever War, according to a speech from President Biden last night. “Initially,…
WASHINGTON — President Biden announced a rebranding of the “Middle East Peace Process” to “The War On War” in hopes of appeasing warmonger lawmakers on…
WASHINGTON — Centrist Democrats across the country expressed relief at seeing President Joe Biden dehumanize refugees with more decorum than his predecessor, sources reported. “After…
WASHINGTON — President Biden signed a sweeping new bill into law earlier today which will finally address the issue of student loan debt relief by…
Republicans fear a lot of things: Gender-neutral bathrooms, Dr. Seuss books they’ve never heard of getting discontinued, and us Democrats “coming for your guns.” Ooh,…
There’s no denying Biden has many challenges to overcome in order to heal our divided nation. He certainly has his work cut out for him.…
WASHINGTON — Newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden is extremely concerned that “The Netflix” won’t know to send his rental DVDs to his new address at the…
WASHINGTON — Capitol security officials announced this morning that the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden will be secured by 25,000 National Guard Troops and one…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to criticism over his planned $1,400 stimulus check, President-elect Joe Biden clarified that a full $2,000 version would be coming to…
WASHINGTON — President-elect Joe Biden and his administration offered pizza today to any citizens willing to help move some boxes out of the White House…
WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump has peacefully vacated the White House after following a trail of Diet Coke bottles that appeared overnight, multiple anonymous…
NEW YORK — Following a controversial opinion piece wherein columnist Joseph Epstein beseeched Jill Biden to drop the “doctor” title from her name due to…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local voter Martin Frost does not actually want video game character Waluigi to be president, despite writing him in under “president” on…
CLEVELAND — Moderators for 2020’s first Presidential debate reportedly added a question regarding an issue that’s been hotly contested since the early/mid-2000s: What defines “real”…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence is looking forward to debating Kamala Harris’ husband, Douglas Emhoff, on key issues impacting American heads-of-household and their wives…