WASHINGTON — President Biden released a series of FDR-inspired fireside mukbangs on TikTok in his latest attempt to win over Gen Z voters, the White House’s official channel confirmed.
“Folks, watch me eat all this squiggly spaghetti. This is going to be a slop fest like you have never seen, Jack,” said Biden, proceeding to loudly slurp udon noodles into his mouth, chew, and swallow without breaking eye contact with the camera. “My team tells me this is called ‘Mack-Bonging’ and that it’s a great way to reach you, fam. So let’s talk about my bold economic plan while I eat some Takis. Boy howdy, these suckers are spicy! Reminds me of a date I went on with a Vietnamese woman back in the ‘60s, she was a real firecracker.”
Harper Layne, the 23-year-old communications strategist who pitched the concept for fireside mukbangs, says the campaign was based on years of extensive personal research.
“I’ve been watching mukbang for like, forever. It’s super calming and for some reason, I just trust people more when they tell stories while eating,” said Layne, who added she first came up with the idea while studying for a 20th-century American history midterm during her senior year of college. “I needed a break after reading about President Roosevelt, so I went on YouTube and watched a video of Nikocado Avocado talking about his sex life while eating a dozen chicken wings covered in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos dust. Then something just clicked! I realized mukbangs could literally be the only way for an out-of-touch octogenarian to reach my generation.”
While each video in the series has garnered millions of views within hours of release, a Gen Z focus group convened by the Brookings Institution suggests they may be doing more harm than good.
“Um, these are honestly cringe as fuck,” said one 18-year-old participant, quickly flicking from video to video after only watching a few seconds of each. “This dude is like a million years old right? I don’t care if he’s the president of the United States, I’m not messing up my algorithm by watching some Boomer with dentures mansplain stuff while eating mochi. If you keep making me watch these I’m gonna write in Harambe on my 2024 election ballot—I’m deadass serious no cap.”
At press time, Vice President Kamala Harris was overheard discussing plans to launch a jewelry shop on Etsy that sells crystals charged with Democratic energy.