NASHVILLE — Local woman and occasional defecator Ingrid Fowler was shocked and alarmed to discover her boyfriend’s bathroom had just a few flimsy strands of…
ASHEVILLE, S.C. — A frontline food service worker was stripped of her hero and esteemed “essential” status after forgetting to bring a side of mayonnaise…
DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
Once again, Disney has taken tragedy and turned it into something we can upvote on Reddit. When superfan Brian McKenzie learned there was going to…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…
NAMPA, Idaho — A punk house dispute over fixing a carbon monoxide detector was abruptly resolved after every single resident passed out at once, lightheaded…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local man and self-described introvert Blake Crowley became an adamant anti-vaccine activist in a desperate attempt to avoid being forced to attend…
Look at Mr. WebMd, acts like such a smarty pants. But let’s get real: you’re a one-trick pony. I am a little tired? Oh, you…
AMES, Iowa — Somewhat recently vaccinated woman Teresa Faison entered her third week of using the potential side effects of the Pfizer inoculation to avoid…
DETROIT — Ted Nugent, bed-ridden from his recent COVID-19 diagnosis, called upon fellow Michigan far-right musician Kid Rock to discuss the apparent plan of succession…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook officials discovered a glitch in the platform’s algorithm last week, in which anti-vaccination propaganda pages are being recommended to the…
ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be…
Some people know how to get with the times. Others? Not so much. Andy Serrano is a troglodyte of the latter variety. When we asked…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Beta cuck Seth Armitage watched helplessly from the side of his wife Nadia’s hospital bed last Thursday as cancer totally fucked…