Your Weekly Hardcoroscopes
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Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the…
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Tag: hardcore
7064 stories found
Barista Unaware Frequent Customer Has Three Albums Worth of Pop-Punk Songs About Her
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WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Busy Bean Café barista Zeynab Polykarpos is reportedly unaware that pop-punk frontman and frequent customer Johnny…
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Mayor of Rockville, U.S.A. Deemed Unfit to Lead in Simplest Capacity
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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rockville mayor “Rowdy” Randy Holmes was removed from his elected position this morning after being deemed unfit…
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Sigur Rós Karaoke Massive Flop at Office Party
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STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Measureworks IT technician Jeff Simmins left dozens of bar patrons perplexed last night after singing “Svefn-g-englar”…
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Punk Unsure Which Green Day Records He’s Allowed to Like
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Local punk Tom Reynolds is still unsure which Green Day albums he’s allowed to enjoy publicly while…
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“Telephone Pole Wanted” Flyer Stapled to Local Bassist
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NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Members of the street team for City Councilwoman Lynn Fernandez stapled a flyer yesterday with the…
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Coachella Goer Just Kinda Assumed Mac DeMarco Would Be There
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INDIO, Calif. — Coachella goer and indie rock fan Joseph Murs was disappointed to learn yesterday that Canadian musician Mac…
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Man with Raunchy Band T-Shirt Almost Brave Enough to Wear It in Public
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CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in…
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Swarms of Bees Head to Coachella to Pollinate Thousands of Flower Crowns
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INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate…
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Online Dinner Recipe a Fucking Novel for Some Reason
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PHILADELPHIA — An online dinner recipe for a simple, vegan-friendly lentil soup has allegedly been written as a “fucking novel…
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