ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Lakewood Insurance employee Derrick Glover reportedly called his boss this morning to ask (since he can really do everything he does in…
PEORIA, Ill. — With female-fronted hardcore bands rising in prominence in punk scenes across the U.S., empowerment of women in underground music has become a…
PHILADELPHIA — Preparing for a weeklong string of concerts, members of indie-rock band The Soaps admitted on Thursday they are “super nervous” and “can’t stop sweating”…
TORONTO — In what many industry insiders believe is a plea for help, hip-hop superstar Drake tweeted a confession earlier today that his studio was…
PHOENIX, Ariz. — Local a cappella punk band Questionable Motifs concluded their Phoenix show last night by crushing the larynx of soprano Russell James, according…
VANCOUVER — After opening a much-awaited shipment brimming with brand-new t-shirts, the folk-punk quintet the Barn Stomp Boys found they had somehow already exhausted their…
MONTCLAIR, N.J. – Eternal bringer of joy and recent vegan convert Kris Kringle ignored countless offerings of milk and cookies and left behind an informative pamphlet…
WASHINGTON — A flying sleigh led by eight tiny reindeer confirmed to belong to Santa Claus was found in violation of United States no-fly zone…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — After a decade of constant touring, indie rock trio Thanks for the Manatees finally cashed in the 10,000 drink tickets they collected…
ODENSE, Kan. — An ugly Christmas sweater has reportedly grown up into a beautiful bathrobe, in what one lucky local man described as a “Christmas…
RENO, Nev. — Several founding members of local group chat “Wild Boyz” have started a new thread dedicated entirely to mocking one individual from the…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — While the rest of the world is out buying presents for loved ones this holiday season, local man Benjamin Edwards is…
NEW YORK — A much-needed last-minute practice for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra was delayed yet again by fucking Dale Andrews, who was late to rehearsal for the…
DENVER — Local resident Dan Biez confirmed a leaked financial report earlier today, disclosing that the kief catcher on his marijuana grinder, which accumulates small…
v EGAS — The anarchist bowling team known as the Eight Pin Workdays failed yet again to properly organize a single strike during a not-so-friendly…