NEW YORK — Local musical improv troupe Songtaneous Combustion bombarded a bewildered crowd at Lantern Pizza on Tuesday night with an irreverent hour of “extremely…
BOSTON — MIT janitor Will Chase is allegedly brilliant at mathcore, according to university staff members who caught him secretly playing deeply complex guitar riffs…
CHICAGO — Aging punks Paul Schiffer and Jessica Hernandez believe their sex life has become stale, following their most recent “routine and lackluster pounding” in a…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Rapper Vince Staples was forced to change his moniker to Vince OfficeMax after the completed merger of Staples and Office Depot…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
NEW YORK — After a long battle with apathy, local musician Peter Costello was forced to put his pet project VeRu to rest earlier today.…
BALTIMORE — Promoters of the Dollops of Doom festival canceled the three-day music event at the last minute after weather reports confirmed sunny skies and…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Part-time Arby’s fry cook Marty Pitts recently asked coworker Clint Kettering if fronting local metal band Intoxicunt is as lucrative as Pitts…
GUILFORD, Conn. — Folk-punk legend Ol’ Tom Tassy, rumored to stand 180 feet tall and use a modified train car as a guitar, was allegedly…
As the saying goes, opinions are like Black Flag tattoos: we’ve all got them and a few of them we regret. Of my 27 Black…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Aging punk Valeri Kravtsova announced plans earlier today to support the scene with “maximum efficiency” and attend an entire year’s worth…
NEW YORK — An elite bomb squad of renegade punks called to investigate a suspicious package at the Chrysler Building earlier this morning were dismissed…
LAS VEGAS — A tense scene unfolded at Bowl City USA last night, when longtime skinhead Jonathan “Jonny” Bell insisted on renting a pair of…
OKLAHOMA CITY — The owner of a local goth bakery refused to bake a wedding cake for an “unbearably happy” couple last week, sparking a…
LAS VEGAS — Patrons and employees at the Hi-Ball Bowling Alley recently discovered that the party of ten men in matching bowling shirts at lane…