BATON ROUGE, La. — Internet savvy punk Jody Tucker called himself out this morning “just to be safe” for a blog post that could be…
KATONAH, N.Y. — Local pop-punk band Infinite Abyss is running dangerously low on copies of their debut record Lowest Plateau, with a mere 9,994 LPs…
CENTERVILLE, Ohio — Spaceboy Records clerk and “total poser” Matthew Wright was shamefully only able to name 22 of 25 studio albums by indie-rock band…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — A climate change-fueled mass extinction event that will wipe 90 percent of the human race off the face of the earth is…
WASHINGTON – The Union of American Protestors voted to go on strike today, citing inadequate pay and poor working conditions, sources within the organization confirmed.…
BERKELEY, Calif – Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of famed rock band Green Day, claims he once had a “brief punk phase” in the early…
BALTIMORE — Audio technician Darla Buzek petitioned her co-workers and patrons at the Ram’s Head last week to stop calling her a “female sound guy,”…
PEORIA, Ill. — Infamous sophomore bully Peter Fazio has chosen to target Dane Sumner’s large facial birthmark for hazing, choosing to leave Sumner alone about…
BOSTON — Hundreds of new straight edge recruits received their standard issue black sheep tattoos this morning in a traditional Edge Day celebration, witnesses confirmed.…
WASHINGTON — Post-hardcore band Fugazi will end their 15-year hiatus with a series of shows in which they will criticize and chastise their audience in…
TAMPA, Fla. – Ellen Hayes, wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Ralph Hayes, marked herself “safe” on Facebook last week after a recent tropical storm,…
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, Calif. – Guitar Center announced a new policy this morning mandating five-day waiting periods for anyone wishing to buy a ukulele, effective immediately.…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Journalist and musician Nardwuar is nervously awaiting the nominations for the upcoming Servie Awards, friends close to the interviewer confirmed. “He…
BROOKLYN, N.Y — Polyamorous partners Holly Byrne and Amanda Bartlow pledged their never-ending commitment to one another, and to giving unrelenting, unsolicited advice to others…
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Mind Melter drummer Ryan Braddox was politely asked last night to take a photo of the rest of his band posing with…