Patrick Coyne
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November 28, 2020
LONDON — World-famous primatologist Dame Jane Goodall announced today that, after 60 years of studying chimpanzees in their native habitat,…
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Dan Kozuh
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November 28, 2020
CORUSCANT — The reigning Galactic Empire is selling old laser cannons, starfighters, and other weapons and vehicles to small-town police…
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Cory Cousins
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November 28, 2020
WASHINGTON — White House kitchen staff are reportedly elated by the prospect of cooking “real food” for President-elect Joe Biden…
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John Danek
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November 28, 2020
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase…
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Erin McLaughlin
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November 27, 2020
OMAHA, Neb. — Local basement party host and neurotic mess Eloise Krantz destroyed everything in her path Saturday night while…
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John Danek
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November 27, 2020
CHICAGO — Singer-songwriter Kyla Bernhardt learned today just how much her fans have failed to successfully parse the artistic intent…
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Rob Walker
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November 26, 2020
DENVER — Local woman Stephanie Robbins admitted today she now wishes she hadn't already used the “deadly pandemic” excuse to…
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The Hard Times Staff
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November 26, 2020
WEYMOUTH, Mass. — The guest list of an annual Friendsgiving celebration, truncated this year due to COVID-19 mandates, has shown…
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Krissy Howard
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November 26, 2020
ROSEDALE, Miss. — Local punk Kerry Gagne is stuck with several loads of unwashed laundry that she was planning to…
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James Knapp
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November 25, 2020
DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this…
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