CLEVELAND — Lonely divorcée Gary Funk was caressed last night for the first time in years by venue security at Wednesday night’s Stone Temple Pilots…
NORWELL, Mass. — Animal, the eccentric drummer of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, signed a lucrative endorsement deal today agreeing to only eat Zildjian…
LEWISTON, Maine — Local hardcore kid Ernie Gibbs is reportedly such a serious hardcore fan that he goes to sleep every night dressed in a…
COVINGTON, Ky. — Magick shop owner and obvious goth Maryanne “Luna” Hobbes couldn’t decide this morning how many corsets to pack for an upcoming family…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Tigerpanther frontman Nicky Pittman drastically misjudged his audiences’ level of familiarity last night with several of his songs, reportedly leaving attendees confused…
DOVER, N.H. — Avid heckler Roland Cobb was escorted out of a local park today for yelling at a group of small children talking amongst…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local punk Ivan Gomez gingerly set his “Meat Is Murder” T-shirt today into a new drawer set aside for band shirts he…
Sure, it happens to the best of us- You’re reading the internet’s funniest satire site, The Babylon Bee. You get to the bottom of a…
AUSTIN, Texas — Dean Hedlund, the chronically late lead singer of post-rock band Explosions in the Sky, arrived just in time last night to play…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local punk Tim Bell talked himself into an assault charge yesterday after aggressively confronting a police officer in attempting to talk his…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead Gary Dwyer cannot wait to “pound a sixer” of Old Style in the parking lot before Riot Fest, get nauseous, throw…
If you think Detroit is bad you wouldn’t last a day in my world. I was born and will likely die in a place America…
PHOENIXVILLE, Pa. — Local punk Logan Sharp is leaving her hometown and bandmates for the “new gig” she just booked in Seattle, which in actuality…
AKRON, Ohio — Overprotective parent Carol Miller is reportedly having the “time of her life” after insisting on accompanying her son on a 10-day tour…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Guitar effects pedal manufacturer Strymon announced today the release of a new, $1000 reverb pedal called the BigNothing, which models its cavernous…