NORCROSS, Ga. — Local man Craig Barnett, who quit smoking in 1995, discovered a box yesterday filled with Camel cigarettes’s now-obsolete Camel Cash, prompting him to let everyone know he was getting into cryptocurrency, friends and family confirmed.
“I couldn’t believe it: I opened the lid to this old shoebox in my garage, and found basically my retirement fund staring me right in the face. Now that they don’t make these anymore, they must be worth a fortune,” Barnett said while trying to wipe the mold off of each slip of paper. “Now all I have to do is go online and get me some of them blockchains or NFTs. This is totally worth the 20 years of my life smoking took away from me. If you can sell a tweet, I’m sure I can sell these.”
Barnett’s wife Clara did her best to explain to him that the Camel Cash was worthless.
“You can’t even redeem it with Camel anymore,” she said. “I told him to collect Marlboro miles — they still accept those points. Before I quit smoking, I got myself a sweet Marlboro fleece, a Marlboro thermos, and a Marlboro windbreaker. Now he’s fussing about on the Internet with Bitcoins and Ethereum and he definitely doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. All he can do with them is burn them, maybe to light a cigarette. God, a cigarette sounds so good right now.”
Economist Cecelia Garcia, however, doesn’t see a problem with Barnett’s plan.
“Honestly, at this point, that Camel Cash might actually explode in value if enough suckers online think it’s worth something,” Garcia explained. “The fact that they’re called C-Notes already is in his favor; it sounds very techy and mysterious. All he has to do is hop onto Reddit under a few different usernames to spread some buzz around — he could easily make those smoke stained pieces of paper worth something.”
As of press time, Barnett was emailing the tech support person at his work to see if they can help him put the Camel Cash online.