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Jock Dad Makes Home Schooled Son Shower With Rest of Family

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — Local dad and lifelong jock Patrick Bruckheimer is forcing his home-schooled teenage son to take showers upstairs with the rest of the family, concerned teachers confirm.

“Just because this football season was postponed by some hoaxy flu doesn’t mean I’m gonna let my son get soft,” the retired police officer shouted. “We’re taking advantage of this time off and turning our home into a training camp. While all the other players are doing virtual learning or whatever, my boy is in the gym, running patterns in the yard, and washing his ass afterwards in the master bedroom shower with his mother, grandfather and myself. I’ve been criticized for the whole family shower thing, but it’s a critical part of character building in every young man’s life.”

Bruckheimer’s son Daniel says the showers have been awkward, but trusts that his dad has his best interests in mind.

“I just wanna make my dad proud, ya know?” the 16-year-old running back explained. “I was confused when my dad took all the doors off the bathrooms and said he was giving the house more of a ‘locker room’ vibe, but when he started making the family take group showers, that’s when things started getting really weird. I mean, seeing your family naked a few inches away from you is one thing… but watching Dad laugh maniacally while snapping his towel at Grandpa, and the way he’d talk about how big his dick is in front of Mom… that took it to a new level. Like, we could all see his dick. I shouldn’t need to know that.”

Multiple staff members from the high school caught wind of the student’s situation, but only a select few seem to be concerned enough to help.

“Of course I’m worried about this, but what are we supposed to do?” asked Vice Principal Donna Benton. “We can’t go to the police, because they’re all friends with Mr. Bruckheimer — this is a small town, and Daniel is our school’s star player. A lot of us are just kind of hoping that this pandemic will end soon so he can come back to school, and… well, who knows, maybe make someone his own age feel terrible about their body.”