BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Friends of Terence Hart report today that his knack for ruining parties with his alcoholism has transitioned into ruining parties with his…
LAFAYETTE, La. — Local guitarist and misanthrope Jeremy Waggoner joined his friend’s band Punted Child earlier this month to avoid any possibility of ever receiving…
CHICAGO — Polyamorous man John Castenda gallantly put both of his girlfriends on his shoulders at the Rainy Days Music Fest last weekend, giving them…
TORONTO — 29-year-old Jazmyn Elliot thought she was falling in love yesterday until she realized she was instead aroused simply from needing to urinate, according…
NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced the cancelation of “Straight Edge History” last night immediately after it’s inaugural episode aired, citing record-low ratings for a…
MILWAUKEE — Local punk Doug Reece is surprised and deeply troubled that he has lived long enough for his metabolism to decrease so significantly, according…
SALT LAKE CITY — Your mom just wanted to let you know today that a single, 22-year-old nurse just started working full-time with her at…
BALTIMORE — Local frontman Dave Kuenen of hardcore band Hammer & Nail is under scrutiny today for allegedly cheating on his long-term diet with an…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Old-school punk and the woman you call “Grandma,” Ophelia “Snotcock” Dillon, noticed you no longer come by to borrow her van for…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — A controversial report released by The Center for Technology today concluded that “probably like 90%” of all individual music collections are…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Popular photo and video-sharing social networking company Instagram unveiled a new filter last week that makes it look like a live…
SEATTLE — Local man Evan Sobitski is terrified at the moment that he’s about to get in an actual, physical fight after challenging a stranger…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Wes Borland, the assumed longtime guitarist of nü-metal band Limp Bizkit, was found to be a member of Mudvayne last week thanks…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — 63-year-old punk Ardith “Ardie” Keith cannot believe you haven’t heard of obscure local band Frankie and The Pussies, who broke up…
DOG HEAVEN — Several dogs awaiting entry into the big, grassy field in the sky are being forced to wait patiently until Dog St. Peter…