HOUSTON — Veteran obstetrician Brian Lein spent upwards of 10 minutes yesterday indifferently tugging on a patient’s newborn in an attempt to untangle the rat’s…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced this morning that the social media giant is launching a new reaction option to allow users…
CAPE MAY, N.J. — Punk mom Tracy Barber admitted today that the forearm tattoos listing the names of her children are more a “practical reminder”…
PHILADELPHIA — A house show headlined by local shoe gaze group No Holes Barry reached new and dismal lows of attendance this past weekend, reportedly…
BEL AIR, Md. — Philidelphia transplant and Grindr user Brian Walsh was reunited with his estranged father Dale yesterday after the two inadvertently contacted each…
WHEELING, W.V. — Local woman and drug enthusiast Lindsey Cruz reportedly turned down the opportunity to trip balls for less than $4 last night, thanks…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — The resale price of a rare Princess Diana Beanie Baby rose exponentially last week after local collector and drug dealer Blake Kaiser…
RENO, Nev. — Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg canceled an appearance with a local voter group yesterday after spinning out into a bad, six-hour drug…
FAIRHOPE, Ala. — Davey Armstrong, the only drummer of note in his small town, is doing a poor job of hiding the fact that he…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Former Vice President Joe Biden’s campaign is reeling today after the Democratic contender reportedly kissed a baby square on the lips while…
CHICAGO — Local musician and self-proclaimed Antifa member Shaun Straut is proudly sporting a “This Machine Kills Fascists” sticker on his bassoon, which sources admit…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local rapist Kent Mehring once again avoided any consequences for his repeated sexual assaults last week, despite his total lack of musical…
PHILADELPHIA — The entire punk scene of Philadelphia resolved today that promoter, producer, and overall pillar of the scene Stevie Bryant is “completely unbookable,” hushed…
LOS ANGELES — Tired, aging 31-year-old punk David Kresner was relieved when police arrived at a record release show last night, prematurely ending the concert…
WASHINGTON — Scientists at the Gibson Institute of Environmental Studies issued a stunning new report yesterday, claiming the devastating effects of climate change could mean…