LOS ANGELES — Multiple exes of musician Fiona Apple coincidentally texted her at the same time yesterday for no real reason they could think of…
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire 12-pack of beer by himself,…
ATLANTA — Fate Embrace merch guy Edgar Byrd stood aimlessly behind his kitchen table for hours earlier this week in an attempt to work from…
DALLAS — Quarantined man Forest Whitlock was struck with a feeling of great anxiety today upon seeing Rod Serling, host of the 1959 series ‘The…
NORTHPORT, N.Y. — 17-year-old Alex Powell’s LSD stash was flushed down the toilet moments ago and will be replaced with a weekend full of “learning…
WEST CHESTER, Pa. — “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville followed COVID-19 hygiene guidelines yesterday by sanitizing a shopping cart before riding it downhill into an also-sanitized…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Militant renaissance man Jack White filed his 2020 tax return on vinyl in a move that’s thrilling high-fidelity taxpayers, according to sources…
NEW YORK — Local man Bryan Watson spent his 28th birthday last week quarantined from friends and family due to the COVID-19 pandemic, but didn’t…
LOS ANGELES — Axl Rose arrived six hours late today to a charity livestream event featuring a plethora of other artists performing in their homes…
HEBRON, Ky. — Longtime Amazon fulfillment center worker Jayce Sheffield will use a combination of their accrued sick and vacation hours to attend their own…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Members of longstanding nü-metal band Slipknot are facing intense criticism today for refusing to donate their signature masks to medical personnel…
WASHINGTON — A select group of centrist moderate Democrats are in talks to cooperate with COVID-19 on a path towards giving both parties what they…
SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record label, according to perplexed sources…
TULSA, Okla. — Local Netflix viewer Trevor Doyle spent the past 24 hours frantically binge watching Martin Scorsese films to push “Project Runway” off his…
CONROE, Texas — RadioShack employee Rachel Meinke reportedly has “no fucking clue” why she’s considered an essential employee during the COVID-19 lockdown, bored and kind…